I know what you're thinking. No, i am not pregnant. No, i am not going crazy. No, i didn't lose a bet. No, i didn't have a BIG night and then decide this. No, I'm not on a diet.
Since i began drinking alcohol so young, i feel like since my 21st the "fun" of it all began to fade away and I started falling in love with the feeling of going out and socialising, having a good time and actually remembering it the next day. I decided this year going into 2020 that was going to step away from Alcohol and detox my mind and my body and take on a challenge of doing Daily Yoga.
The past 2 years especially, I have delved deep into noticing my energy i carry within myself and being savage and conscious of the energy i allow within my space. What wasn't making me feel good long term (key words) was slowly falling to the way sides and some new habits and choices began to take over. Fast forward from 5 years ago to now and I am such a different space physically (literally, i have moved from Sydney to Newcastle) and most importantly mentally.
My decision was to not drink til my birthday (T-minus 7 days away), but I did a blood test the other day at the doctors and she mentioned to me that liver function has significantly improved but i still needed to keep an eye on it. She asked me how much i drink a week (I don't know why but i always felt judged no matter what answer you gave lol) and for the first time in my life i said well I haven't had any alcohol lately. She nodded and said well keep it up, it's helping.
I have felt like my energy has increased, i'd usually love a wine or two with dinner or when going out to events i'd love a few Gin and Tonics. To now be ordering Soda Waters with lime seems so funny. I struggled the first few days with saying no every time hubby offered me a glass of wine at dinner, i had to just say stop asking me please (LOL). 5 weeks on it's at the point now where he'll just order a soda water straight away no questions. #GottaLoveHim That has probably been the hardest part of it all but other than that it has been quite good. I think a really big factor has been eliminating as much stress as i have control over. Alot of us can crave a drink when we are not in a good state of mind and needing it to calm us or even numb us. Or the need to have a drink when out socialising with friends and family. #SocialAnxiety is real people. It's been really interesting to step back and look at my relationship to alcohol and not feel any judgement about it, it's also been good to give it up as my own choice rather than because of health reasons or addictions or because i HAVE to. Felt really powerful to make that decision for myself and stand in that every time i was triggered by what other people would say to me.
So, how am i feeling overall? I'm feeling pretty good. I have also made a lot of other small changes which have rippled from this and my Yoga commitments and it feels so empowering to know that MY choices are making me FEEL GOOD. Something that has rippled has been SELF AWARENESS (hands up emoji), which has increased for myself massively lately. Knowing that if i have a social event coming up, allowing myself to rest and fill my energy levels because i can't just rely on alcohol to give me a "buzz". Being self aware enough to know that off the drink while i enjoy the social interactions i wont be hanging around til midnight like i would if i was drinking. Putting up the boundaries with myself to drive and leave at a specific time so i can still get a good nights sleep in. Self awareness has also allowed me to really find clarity in my relationships and knowing what am i bringing to the table and what is the other person bringing, and see the relationship at its core without the layers of alcohol that sometimes enhances or hinders relationships.
So, am i going to bring alcohol back into my life on my birthday and celebrate with a boujee cocktail? HELLS YES I AM. Knowing i don't NEED to have it but i am choosing to enjoy it rather than to cover up or escape parts of myself. This isn't a hate on alcohol by the way, this space is a place of reflection of myself and as we all grow so do our views and beliefs about people, places and things.
Thanks for being here. If you are on a similar journey or resonated i would love you to leave me a note below so we can connect.