Updated: Feb 5, 2020
What made me find so much importance on self care? It was really a few months ago when I had a big breakdown lying in bed crying to my partner about how I felt so overwhelmed by wanting to be somewhere in my life that i wasn't, wanting to succeed in my business further than i was and also struggling to come to terms with the fact that I was going to have to find part time work because financially I really couldn't do the "chase the dream" life when I had bills, rent and life knocking on the door.
After almost 2 months of trying to make a living from KC (Katoa Collection) and teaching Yoga, while also battling with my thoughts each day about whether I made the right choice. I felt so overwhelmed. I questioned whether this "dream and vision" I had in my head of what i was working towards was really worth it. I felt like I was putting in so much effort and not seeing much in return. For someone who has worked since I was 14, I always felt secure in knowing I could pay my way. So in saying this, when you decide to leave your job to chase a dream and live off savings- it really plays with your mind with financial insecurities. Who am I without a career? When people ask what you do for work- what do I say? How do I define my worth now when society tells you that your worth is however much you make? It was these questions that i had to tackle because even though you read all the hype messages of "do what you love and the money will follow", but they don’t tell you about the in between parts where you‘re doing what you love but it ain’t loving you back. The shit parts. This was one of my shit parts.
After two hours of my hubby telling me his own business highs and lows (he loves to tell a story or two) and encouraging and pumping me up that everyone who tries to chase after a dream goes through this and that unfortunately it wont be the last time, but it will pass. It seems harsh to tell someone when they're down that basically- look you are not the only one to feel like this and you will go through this again (but i will support you through it), but I honestly had to hear it. Sometimes on this journey of finding your path, you really feel alone at times and get so caught up in yourself and the battles of our own mind. It is these moments you really do need someone to tell you "You will get through this, It is worth it, You might have to change your plan but keep going". And just like that I got up had a shower listening to Sam Smith to make it even more dramatic and let myself feel sorry for myself (we all need that sometimes #nojudgement). I showered and sat with my journal on my bed writing through puffy eyes all the things I was doing daily, what i wasn't doing that i should be doing and the financial worries I carried of bills and how much I would need to make a week to pay them. I wrote in my journal that day that i was not going back to full time work and i was not going to give up on this vision I had for myself in my mind. I wrote out that I wanted a part time job, close to home, to not work weekends and also to have Mondays off. I really got specific because when (not if) I got that job it meant it took a whole load off my shoulders financially and also still gave me free time to dive even deeper in to my Yoga and KC dreams.
I started doing my Yoga and Meditation practice religiously and made a conscious effort to watch my thoughts and energy throughout the day. I know that the day i had my breakdown, although it was necessary and i truly believe everything happens for a reason- it was because I had totally let go of my self care practices and went in to a place of working constantly and then feeling guilty when i would "rest". I was sleeping at random times, eating out, not meditating, not exercising or moving my body as much as i should have and prioritising all the wrong things. It is all these little habits that trigger the big things. Often when people have something really good or really bad happen and they look back, it is almost always a series of small things that we are so unaware of at the time. Everyday I make a effort to be aware of how I spend my time, with who I spend it with and the quality of my time. It sounds extreme sometimes but the amount of shit that comes in to our minds and manifests into ugly thoughts is crazy, if I could limit it by being more self aware than I'd be crazy not to do so.
The power of the energy you put out you get back, hit me so bloody good. I got a call for a job at my local cafe downstairs from my house (literally down the stairs), I do a few hours a week still getting to interact with people which is something i always enjoyed, I have Friday to Mondays off (crazy right?) and work night shifts which I don’t mind because it allows me go keep to my morning routines and do brekky with my hubby (fave thing). My hubby has joined me for my morning Yoga and Meditations as well as a gratitude practice which has been incredible for him individually and for us as a couple. (Maybe that'll have to be another blog.)
A month ago my cousin found me an opportunity to teach Yoga with one of the biggest Gyms in the world. The power of energy I tell ya! I got my part time job, I am able to grow KC and teach Yoga every week. It is now April and it has been three months since making changes in my daily habits and being energy conscious and it has honestly trickled into every aspect of my life and relationships. The amount of times I have met up with one of my friends and they say to me how my energy is so positive has been my biggest marker for me that Self Care and being mindful of my thoughts and actions each day is so freakin' important. My self care routine is now just part of my every day to the point where if I skip my morning routine I’ll feel off the whole day. I wont lie there's some days where you really don't want to do, what you know, is good for you, and every now and then it’s okay to let it slide. But when that one off turns in to weeks/months or even years- it takes its' toll by taking a little bit of the light and joy out of our life.
My Self care entails a list of things/activities and people that fill me up from the inside and then i schedule them in to my day/week/month. It is literally just a series of things that are non-negotiables for me. What are things that you do that bring you joy? Make a list and then highlight the things that you have actually done in the past week.
This is exactly what I did and when i saw that there were only a few highlighted i knew that something had to change. If you are feeling like you've lost a little spark in your days lately- you are not alone. I too felt this and just by changing some daily habits I write this openly sharing about where I was and where I am now because I truly believe we all could all be lit up about our life again. My next Blog will share my self care practices which i hope will inspire you to take the journey of self care too!