Updated: Feb 5
It is such an exciting time if you and your partner have reached the milestone of deciding to move in together- congratulations!
Whether you have been together for a few months or for several years, the experience of living with another person can be a tricky change to get used to. Almost 2 years ago Oktay (my now husband) made the big decision to move in together. I was so excited to have my own space, have people over, decorate how I wanted and do house chores when I wanted to not when I was told to (love you mum). Little did I know a few weeks after moving in together we'd be having a 3 day argument over why I never closed the lids on bottles, sauces, containers properly and why Oktay would take the rubbish bag out and not replace it with a new one. (THIS IS REAL LIFE).
For all my love birds out there while this is such an exciting time of taking your relationship to this beautiful new stage, I will share with you what I wish I knew before we moved in together.
1. Draw the line in the sand pre-day one of what is yours/his Pet Peeves.
For me, it was that the toilet seat HAD to be down. After living in a house full of brothers and boy cousins I knew this for me was going to be number one on my pet peeve list. Oktay didn't actually have anything that I remember, although his list has grown. Obviously his would be for me to start putting lids on properly. (LOL again.) Either way get them out of the way my friends and draw the line from the get go, it will save a lot of time and disagreements down the line. Some of the things you learn along the way but if there's certain things you know you will want established, then talk about it.
2. Having two different blankets probably isn't a bad idea.
Not joking. I am a blanket hog and I know it. I am such an advocate for sleeping well and if that means you both having separate blankets then do it. Avoid the grumpy mornings and just buy a second blanket.
3. Come to terms with the fact that you both have different definitions of "clean".
I don't know the amounts of times I have re-cleaned our home because it isn't to my level of "clean". You may have to decide on certain parts of the house that you might have to just clean yourself and let your partner clean the other areas. For example if you really can't handle not having the kitchen cleaned properly then just do it yourself and leave them to the clean bedroom and vice versa. For me a clean kitchen is very particular so I just know it saves arguments If I just clean it myself. Pick your battles my friends.
4. Your clothes do not just magically appear on your bed.
This was both of us. Shout out to my Mum for washing my clothes for 25 years. For both Oktay and I we both moved out from living in a home where our Mum's did our washing. (Yes, I know). We'd both get agitated with never finding clean clothes because we were expecting the other person to do it. Everyone's different and it will take time to find what works for you, but if you find yourself getting annoyed in the first few weeks arguing about clothes- it's normal. Washing for me, is now something that is like the kitchen, I like things washed a particular way so I generally do the washing most of the time now. Took almost 2 years to get to this point though, better late than never hey?
5. Make time for date-nights and quality time together
Once you move in together it can be easy to get caught up in the bills, the housework and putting lids on bottles properly. Be sure to set aside a day or time on the weekends to spend together that you enjoy. It is a great reminder doing fun activities together that the relationship is more than just about having a "clean house". I think as well, you tend to think that because you move in together that you'll spend so much time together. Reality is, you both work, have both your families and friends and events on- it sometimes can feel like you are room mates rather than a couple. Even if it's a wine and pizza night on the lounge- schedule it.
I know it seems like some of these tips are petty and small, but in the moments of things, it can feel like it's a be all end all situation. I wanted to share a fun light-hearted blog to let you know you are not alone in letting the small things turn into big arguments when first moving in. You live and you learn my friends. Every couple is different and finding whatever rhythm works for you is all part of the journey. Enjoy it!
Good Luck! X