For those of you that now me, know that I love a good podcast. Since moving to Newcastle and working from home, my podcast session has definitely increased.
I listened to a goodie this morning that was talking about being mindful of our energy. Something I have been very interested in the past few months is becoming more aware of what fills and energises me and what depletes me and leaves me feeling drained of energy. Following that accordingly that way of thinking can be tough. We have responsibilities and so on, but for the most part- most of the things we say yes to, we could actually probably benefit more by saying 'no thank you'.
Looking back and still today I have such a hard time saying no to people, places and things, but especially people. The feeling of letting them down or not meeting their expectation of me or worse off the expectation i put for myself of following through with my word. If i say i am going to do something, i am going to do it. Even when i am only feeling it halfheartedly.
A big one for me was constantly saying yes to work commitments. When i was at Uni i was working part time as a cafe/ sandwich bar. What i soon found was i was working often 6 days of open to closes and cutting out uni classes to do so. I found myself putting my uni commitments and my commitments to my own health to the side. Whenever i was asked to work an extra shift, cover someone else, stay back- it was always "Yeah no worries".
The thing is, when you are constantly making choices like this and putting yourself on the back end, it often gets easier to do so and much more difficult to change that because it now is a habit. I was surprised to hear this commonality among so many people i have spoken to. Putting our work commitments before ourselves and i think we are now at a point that it is so common that for someone to say no, is weird.
Have you ever said yes to 'X' when deep down you knew you really didn't actually want to do it, or see that person or work that extra shift? There is power in saying no and i want to highlight the ways in which if we continue burning ourselves out for the expectations of others, it will only lead to more and more stress, resentment and health problems.
I spoke with a friend recently about their 'fear of missing out'. Even though she feels tired after working a full time job and studying part time, her friends go out over the weekend and through a yawn says "what time we meeting?". Deep down her reality she wanted was to run a bath, cook pasta and have an early night but- "what if i miss out on something?". I too have fell victim to this thinking too. It's a constant circle of always wanting to elsewhere rather than where you actually are.